Matagal-tagal na palang di nabubuksan ang blog na ito at tila inaalikabok na. Kaya’t abangan, mamaya-maya ay makakagawa na din ako ng maikling tala ng mga nangyari sa akin sa mga nakalipas na buwan! 

Kita-kits, mga kapatid!

Here am I again, trying to rush things, trying to do things my own way when its supposed to be a two-way-give-and-take process. It was last night since I wanted to start this entry but fuck, I don’t know what to write, how to start it, how to put all these thoughts coherently and in order to satisfy those who would want to finish reading this.

Okay, let me tell you a story first. A story why I’m so confused. Confusion that could be brought by personal conflicts, other conflicts and maybe the person involved. It started late last year, my block mate asked me to go with her in this party. She told me she would like me to meet someone (okay, she knew about my past ‘love life’) and I was really hesitant to go, but what the heck, whatever happens, I won’t lose anything, I said to myself. I was there first, good thing my other block mate and his friends were there to keep me company while I was waiting for my block mate and her friends. Okay, jumping to the necessary infos, I met the girl, let’s call her ‘Y’, yes she was pretty. We talked all night, exchanging facts about each other, well, mostly her, I was never a fan of sharing stuff to people I’m not close to. We exchanged numbers and was constantly texting each other since that day.

Then I got sick, really bad. I was not able to reply to her texts since I was feeling very weak and its my finals week too. So there, I thought it ends there. Yes, she became my crush, not yet infatuated, not yet in love. Here goes again my block mate, forcing me to go to her party (well, not really forced, something inside me still wanted to go). Of course, Y would be there since she’s my block mate’s best friend. Again, I was with her the whole time, chatting, drinking then she got drunk (please don’t jump into conclusions, I’m not that kind of guy to girls I like! haha) I just brought her upstairs, to my block mate’s unit and assisted my blockmate’s mom to fix her to bed and stuff. That was it.

We texted again and I teased her about the incident at the party, how she got really drunk (she was known to drink really hard) and told her to make-up for the efforts I did to her during that time. I told her to take me out for a movie and food was on me. So since then, we started texting again and was in communication. To cut the story short, I confessed to her that I like her (which was very obvious). Then she was telling me about her ex and how he bothers her. I told her that to help her ex move on by not noticing or giving too much attention to him. And to top it off, I texted her ‘I love you’, not to tell her what I feel but to confuse her and make her think that others (well, me) are actually interested in her and she needs to look and take a chance on others.

But here I am, confused. Why? Maybe I was used to like it was before with my past love. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve moved on. Its just like she has set my standards high. I now want a girl who’s attractive, witty, smart, funny and is fun to be with. Y is like that and I wasn’t able to find something to not like her and that. But here’s the big BUT, it seems like I feel she doesn’t like me for who I am. I feel like I’m being molded to someone who MIGHT be more significant to her. I don’t know if I just over think things or I really do patch things. I just don’t want it to happen again, the “ex” magic. 

Well, here’s my story for now. Will try to go to sleep since I have 8am class tomorrow! Good night for me? Sweet dreams?